Sunday, January 07, 2007
They were fighting loud enough for others to hear.
"What do you mean I'm never there for you?" He yelled.
"I can't talk to you. You are always like this." She retorted.
*bang stuff*Sighs. I get frightened by tiffs like that. He frightens me. The loss of control over his emotions reminded me of myself not too long ago.
I can get like that too...and I'm frightened by myself when I get like that... Even if we share the same DNA, it doesn't mean I will turn out just like him. I am made to be me, Esther Marikea Tan, lovingly fashioned and created by God.
To be in a relationship, one has to be emotionally stable. One also has to have a healthy amount of self-esteem that doesn't require validation from his/her partner.
My self-worth and esteem comes from God and God alone.~ * ~ * ~ * ~
I have double standards. Anything he does, I'll be, "Ok la...yeah...ok." I guess the main thing is -
he's not doing it to me. *shrugs* Whoever you will be in time to come, you have to accept that he's my good friend and no matter what he does, he can do no wrong in my eyes, except if he breaks my heart. Haha! ;)
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Prayed for 3 opportunities in the very thick Recruit section of Saturday's edition of The Straits Times and viola! there were 3 advertisements that I responded to. Thank God! ^-^ I've already done my part by sending out the resumes and I can only pray for a suitable job to come my way really soon!
Through these days, I have realized that I am not one who can
duduk diam diam, ie. I can't sit still for a period of time. I am quite an energetic person and I will literally wither and die if I were to be in a state of inactivity, like Friday night. -_-"
Today I made a choice not to go to Amanda's chalet because I was too lazy to go out. But then Nick called and we both hitched up to go together. Stayed a little while for a game or two of UNO and came back. Didn't stay for the sabo session which had me quite creeped out by the mention and sight of the things involved. Urgh...
I thank God that He has restored my raging emotions mostly and I'm ready to move on to pick up where I left off with Him. He has given me such a crystal clear perspective on things that I was just too soaked up in my own world to see and I need to be able to act according to what He has shown me. May He grant me the grace necessary.
So while emotions return to normal, I know my journey ahead with Him will be anything but normal. Haha! Judging from the last coupla years, I will be very thankful if things would stabilize down somewhat! Those who have been with me will bear witness to how things have been! ^-^
Thank You for being so good to me, Lord. Amen.
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swirly twirly me ~ *~*butterfly*~* ~
at |12:27 AM|
